on my last day of vacation, i stood at the edge of the world and stared at the ocean. the sky was bleeding orange clouds and blowing cold wind seductively in my ear. all at once, i was hit with nostalgia and relief and melancholy and peace. i felt like it was the end of […]

the truth is i was afraid of falling. that’s why i couldn’t get up on my own, that’s why i wouldn’t let go of his hands, that’s why i wanted to stay seated on the top of the snow-capped hill. i didn’t want to lose control. and how terrifying: to be skidding down a mountain […]

don’t forget where you came from, girl. don’t forget God and the girls who know you inside-and-out (and love you anyway) and your family who would do anything for you. don’t forget the plans you once wrote in the stars, of who you want to be and what you want to do and where you […]

i am coughing hysterically and it just won’t stop. i’ve been sick for almost two weeks now. it makes me so sad and achey and cranky, too. i suppose it’s partly my fault; i have not really taken a good chunk of time to rest until today. it’s been so much go-go-go with my two […]

and just like that, christmas is over. the last few packages thought to be lost in the holiday rush were spotted in a cubby hole outside the front gate. they sit in a crumpled bag, waiting to be wrapped. a few branches hang sadly because they were never fully clothed. the christmas carols have been […]

today is wednesday, but it is my friday. actually, it’s my last day before vacation, and i feel like i should be going to a classroom party with fruit punch and star-shaped cookies and play games like heads-up 7-up and simon says until the school bell rings. two and a half weeks to stay up […]

it was elsa’s birthday today and she drank one too many shots. she spilled and tripped and slurred her words all the way to our table. all i wanted was a slice of apple streudel and a glass of water but i lost her to more birthday singing and drinking and floating. when it was […]

my brother’s feet will touch the los angeles pavement within the hour, the first time in three years. i can’t be at the airport to greet him, but i know he will call from my dad’s car and he will ask in his dutch-tinged english when he can come over and i will smile heart […]

i thank my mom for never dressing me up in holiday clothing: sweaters emblazoned with christmas trees, earrings the shape of lightbulbs, socks that spread a message of christmas cheer. i’ve got spirit, yes i do, but i do not need to wear it on my sleeve, or head, or feet. tonight, i am cutting […]

i know what i want this christmas, and it can’t be wrapped in paper or tied in bows. i want a hug from my grandma. i want a christmas tree short enough that i can reach the top by standing on my tiptoes. i want to laugh so hard i have to hold my stomach […]