this man, he was wearing something on his head, like a scarf or bandanna maybe. and braids. he had a few strands of dirty hair wrapped in fabric. a white t-shirt & overalls. and a big dangling earring, much like my favorite pair in the ’80s. it sort of resembled silver chimes hanging from his […]

a matter of life or death: it’s hours before Rock N’ Roll monday, and i can’t decide what to wear. i am staring hard at my reflection in the mirror; i’m polling every boy i can find online to see what they think; i’m calculating the infinite possibilities of how wearing a skirt or jeans […]

in memory of my grandfather.

he was wearing a ratty white t-shirt and khaki shorts. i didn’t much notice his face, just his voice. “car wash, miss?” he asked. “maybe on my way back,” i said. “how about a donation? our friend just died.” the sign he was carrying resembled the spray paint on the walls in town. the other […]

i unplugged my computer today–a kind of bittersweet moment, as i’ve had the thing for so long. now it’s sitting on the floor, a big clunky machine and mess of wires, waiting to be put into a box and stuffed in the garage. my hard drive is saved on a zip disk and everything else […]

I first noticed her brown wiry curls and leathery skin. She’d clearly been in the sun too long. her belt buckle was the size of a credit card. Her jeans looked like they’d walked out of the 80s. She was wearing a fuzzy black tanktop and no bra. “Is she a hooker?” Lisaann asked. –Dresden […]

i just got up a half hour ago — went to bed at 9 and slept six hours straight. i’d been up all night doing not what you are thinking and i am wishing. no. i was up singing karaoke and shuffling cards and flinging spoons and eating red vines and gulping mountain dew and […]

i noticed this girl pointing our direction. i looked to see what it was she was pointing at and saw a boy — tall, skinny, blond (he looked a lot like gap stockboy matt) — holding up his cellphone so that whoever was on the line, a girl presumably, could hear the song. it was […]

out on a school night, at a no-name bar in echo park. neon light whispered cocktails into the air and lured us inside. we sat in the corner of the room, watching it slowly fill with people and drinking beer that tasted like pennies. the table was too far from the booth. i noticed, because […]

what bothered me most about it wasn’t that we ended up missing the vocal stylings of marty & elayne; it wasn’t that i was, for the five millionth time, mistaken for a 19-year-old; it wasn’t that had i ordered a midori sour instead of a fist of fury my brain would have been working better […]

i am so tired. i’ve been up baking cookies, downloading software and reading books until way past my bedtime. i’ve been using parts of my brain i forgot exist and speaking in words i used to mock. and i’ve been having dreams about him, again. do you remember that problem i was having because the […]

at the airport this morning, i saw a dad and his boy standing in line to get a cup of coffee. the boy, no more than 5, kept wandering off, but his dad took the child’s hand and brought it to his hip and said, “hold on to my pocket.” there was something so tender […]

so, i am in love. with a computer. my new computer. an ibook. it’s just how i like ’em: sleek, shiny and sharp. and so stylish it makes your eyes hurt. i can already see this becoming a co-dependent relationship; i came to my parents’ house to take them to the airport tomorrow, and i […]

when people ask me when was the last time i went to the philippines i say three years ago. december 1998. it was our family reunion, the first time we’d all been there at the same time since we left in 1976. i leave it at that, and it doesn’t even occur to me that […]

who am i trying to fool? i can be bitter. i can get angry. i can feel hopeless. but i am still the same girl who thought she could step into a mirror and find herself somewhere else. i still wish on stars. i keep drifting off in daydreams. i have faith in the world. […]

some people give me hope. others drain it out of me. i am trying to believe. i am trying to believe that people are kind and that intentions are good, but i just don’t know right now. i’m trying to believe that this is the exception to the rule and that i am getting carried […]

i spent the afternoon in chinatown. it was an experiment in photography and cultural analysis. or, a late lunch and shopping spree. and what makes it chinatown? chinese characters on street signs, a bank of america with a slanted roof, paper lanterns and american flags. chow fun, dim sum, boba. silk slippers, peacock feathers, jade […]

the party, by the way, was a blast. there were twinkly lights lining the window and candles floating in the bathtub and fresh flowers throughout the house. there was lumpia and chips and guacamole and salsa and spinach dip. there was beer and wine and vodka and rum and slices of lime and ice, plenty […]

yesterday, i celebrated my independence. i rolled out of bed when i couldn’t stay in bed any longer, i baked a pan of brownies and ate one for breakfast, and i lazed about in my pajamas until well after noon. we sought air-conditioned spaces later and ended up at the two-story target and the movies. […]

“so what are you working on?” “nothing.” “no really, what are you working on?” “actually, i’m really not working on anything. i haven’t been writing anything at all.” * there is no explanation. there is no situation. there is nothing. everything’s fine. really. i just have nothing to say that hasn’t been said before. or […]