anticipation manifests itself in a variety of ways: panic, thrill. fast sleep, wide awake. not hungry, absolutely starving. i try to write and rewrite things down to calm my nerves, but i end up staring at the page and fast-forwarding hours / days / weeks in my mind. i can only be vague right now […]

sometimes, i just want to erase this page, get a tissue and wipe the screen clean. not out of spite, or disgust, or shame. just because i want to start over. beginnings are, in some ways, the best. i am trying to think of the right words to say but i just can’t. today, i […]

it was a beautiful wedding. i know they always say that, but you have to believe me, it really was. she looked like an angel, with the light hitting her face just so. i almost cried — not just then, but several times throughout the day. i don’t remember being this emotional at any wedding, […]

i am supposed to be asleep right now. shh, don’t tell my mom. all of a sudden i’m 12 again, and i was told i should go to bed so i will look fresh tomorrow. what is fresh? a cake. a bouquet of flowers. a newspaper off the press. a bridesmaid after a good night’s […]

the other day, we passed each other on the street. i on one side, she on the other, walking in opposite directions, both going home. when i realized it was her, i threw my arm in the air and waved wildly. i wanted to part traffic like the red sea, run to her and give […]

for the past month and a half, i’ve been carrying a manila folder stuffed with papers. on the tab, it reads “HOMELESS–AGAIN!” inside is a stack of apartment listings, crumpled up and scribbled on. this morning, i took it out of my bag and tossed it in the trashcan. i don’t need it anymore. i […]

how is it that one year, even two, can pass, and some things don’t seem to change? i feel like there will always be this cloud of wonder following me. i will always feel overwhelmed with questions. i will always be waiting for the next big thing. i thought it was something i’d outgrow, this […]

so, we watch these movies, these chick flicks, and they are supposed to be somehow empowering, or uplifting, or funny. or something. but instead, i leave the theater feeling dissatisfied, confused and even a little upset. two weekends in a row, i found myself walking home, haunted by these visions of beautiful women flinging their […]

i have a confession to make: i dodge bouquets. at weddings, i mean. when the DJ makes the call for all the single ladies to gather ’round, i stay silently seated at my table as if i didn’t hear a word until someone spots me and drags me to the reception dance floor. most of […]

it appears the joke’s been on me. all day long i’ve been oblivious to the fact that today we turn our clocks forward. so, when i awoke at 9:30 i was really getting up at 10:30; and when i called tom at 2:30, figuring it was 10:30 there in the netherlands and thus not too […]