last night, somehow, the topic turned to passive-aggressive behavior, and eric said, “i’ve never really understood that concept,” and i said, “neither have i.” then lars said: “that’s because you have a family who loves you.” and i had to take a moment of pause, because he was totally right.

there are five stacks of CDs beside my chair, nine open windows on my desktop and 10 star lights twinkling above my head. my head is spinning mp3s, i’m swimming in guitar riffs, my stomach is doing triple flips to the beat of the drums, and i think i want to dance. january is two […]

sometimes i think that horoscopes are really just God saying what i need to hear. you never know. sometimes they are so eerily true, filling in all the appropriate blanks from my life, while i just sit here in awe.

on second thought, i think i would rather fast-forward to february.

i want to rewind today and start over.

i made the mistake of diving into the past today, reading old things written, getting nostalgic, feeling regret pelt me in the heart, missing him, missing you. i am wondering if i will ever learn. there is so much, too much, that i feel needs work. if i could just be more of this and […]

whatever you think of me, it’s wrong. i am not that brave, i am not that strong. “how do you do it?” people ask me. and i ask them back, “do what?” “keep it together,” they say. and then i laugh. because i feel like i am just unraveling slowly and soon i will fall […]

dude. five paintings at five hundred dollars apiece. quick, do the math. i did, and i thought to myself, between sips of art show red wine in a plastic cup, “i could do that.” why haven’t i done that? where are the stories i’ve been meaning to write? where are the books i was supposed […]

i have never been a morning person, but today i got up at 6:30 and met lisaann in front of the community center at 7, hands in my pockets and sleep in my eyes, and we walked. we walked around the reservoir, saw a boy who looked like a guy i used to work with […]

as we pushed our way through the crowd, lisaann leaned in and said to me, “jesus loves you!” and i laughed. there were several men at the bar with the jesus complex : their faces covered with facial hair and long locks draping their necks. one of said JCs sat coolly against the wall, white […]