christina corral and i used to bring candy to school, distribute it evenly amongst ourselves and eat it behind the short stop at recess. we swapped issues of BOP magazine and planned birthday parties for our cabbage patch kids. christina was my very best friend. we even had the silver heart charm cracked in half […]

there are three guys asleep in my living room. one of them is my brother; the other two are his design partners, jeroen and dimi. all three are tall, so it’s a good thing i have a lot of floor space. sometime around 2 in the morning, i gave them a stack of blankets and […]

yesterday, ryan asked me, “are you going to write about your trip?” immediately, and without thinking, i said, no. i tried to explain to him that the trip was less about sight-seeing and more about time with my family and friends, less about documentation and more about experience. with all the blasts from my past […]

if i had your addresses, enough postage and a hand that never cramps, i’d send each and every one of you a postcard from my vacation1. but since i don’t, i’ll write it here: darling, it’s rainy and cloudy and lovely here in the pacific northwest. the sun is playing hide and seek–mostly hide. it’s […]

i am learning the difference between confidence and delusion. confidence: yes, i can do it. delusion: yes, i can do it all. i have been fooling myself into believing that i can be everything for everyone. i have been forgetting what i need to be for myself. i feel awkward and ridiculous. i feel worried […]

frankly, i’m a little overwhelmed. it’s almost as if i have been hiding behind this project for so long and now that it’s done i don’t know what to do with myself. i am faced with everyone’s expectations of me combined with my own expectations of me, when what i really wish i could stare […]

while rolling sushi last night, i dipped my finger in the vinegar water, traced the edge of the nori and suddenly felt like i was making lumpia with mom. i remembered the big plastic bowl from where i’d spoon out the pork, shrimp, vegetable mixture; pulling the eggroll wrappers apart slowly and carefully so i […]

i am not used to being called an artist. for so long, i avoided the title–not because i didn’t want it but because i didn’t think i deserved it. ricky was the artist in the family. he was the one who spent hours at his desk drawing, who won award after award for his work, […]

at the last minute this morning, i stepped out of my jeans and sneakers and into a skirt and blouse because i remembered i had a lunch date and had to look presentable. my dad and my cousin, lindy, were coming to meet me. lindy lives in bicol, the province where my mom grew up, […]

01. it’s fashion week. the term “fashionably late” never made so much sense. 02. some women can wear birdhouses as hats and look perfectly normal. 03. some men can wear pressed pink oxford shirts and look like psycho killers. 04. my world’s walls are closing in on me and there is nowhere to hide. as […]