it’s kind of hard to explain, but i saw part of my life flash before my eyes tonight. it wasn’t a near-death experience. it was more like an epiphany and de ja vu and caution all rolled into one. it’s kind of hard to explain. i ate dinner with liomir at my new favorite french […]

i am watching you. the way you move, the clothes you wear, the things you do. i try not to stare, but i can’t help it. sometimes you are so fascinating i can’t keep my eyes off you. i look long and blink hard and then i repeat it in my head all the details […]

a matter of life or death: it’s hours before Rock N’ Roll monday, and i can’t decide what to wear. i am staring hard at my reflection in the mirror; i’m polling every boy i can find online to see what they think; i’m calculating the infinite possibilities of how wearing a skirt or jeans […]

in memory of my grandfather.

i unplugged my computer today–a kind of bittersweet moment, as i’ve had the thing for so long. now it’s sitting on the floor, a big clunky machine and mess of wires, waiting to be put into a box and stuffed in the garage. my hard drive is saved on a zip disk and everything else […]

i just got up a half hour ago — went to bed at 9 and slept six hours straight. i’d been up all night doing not what you are thinking and i am wishing. no. i was up singing karaoke and shuffling cards and flinging spoons and eating red vines and gulping mountain dew and […]

out on a school night, at a no-name bar in echo park. neon light whispered cocktails into the air and lured us inside. we sat in the corner of the room, watching it slowly fill with people and drinking beer that tasted like pennies. the table was too far from the booth. i noticed, because […]

what bothered me most about it wasn’t that we ended up missing the vocal stylings of marty & elayne; it wasn’t that i was, for the five millionth time, mistaken for a 19-year-old; it wasn’t that had i ordered a midori sour instead of a fist of fury my brain would have been working better […]

i am so tired. i’ve been up baking cookies, downloading software and reading books until way past my bedtime. i’ve been using parts of my brain i forgot exist and speaking in words i used to mock. and i’ve been having dreams about him, again. do you remember that problem i was having because the […]

at the airport this morning, i saw a dad and his boy standing in line to get a cup of coffee. the boy, no more than 5, kept wandering off, but his dad took the child’s hand and brought it to his hip and said, “hold on to my pocket.” there was something so tender […]