i don’t care what they tell you on TV or at the mall or in the fashion magazines: the mullet is not a good idea. no, it’s not ironic. it’s moronic. it’s unkempt. and it’s just not attractive.
sometimes, i want to go around with scissors, thin strips of fabric and bulky wool sweaters.
i’d lop off excess locks of greasy, stringy hair, i’d pin straps to tube tops so they don’t keep sliding down, and i’d wrap the sweaters around the frail hipster bodies because the girls’ exposed backs and stomachs are clearly shivering, they just don’t want to admit it.
oh, and you, over there, with the scarf and turtleneck and faux fur coat. i know you want it to be winter. i do, too. but this is los angeles and it’s october and it’s 65 degrees outside. come on.