Tomorrow, now, please, thanks

February 28, 2001

“i just want today to be over” is a horrible way to live. i don’t like being cranky or depressed or gloomy. i hate feeling like the only safe place i want to be is at home, in my bed, under the covers. i am tired of listening to the same moody music over and over and over again.

but i feel nothing else.

and i don’t mean to dump on you, i really don’t. i know when you say yeah or aww or uh-huh that you don’t know what else to say and if i were in your shoes, i wouldn’t, either. i know this will all be over, soon; i just don’t know when. i know the sun will come back out and i will be laughing too loud and i will wonder why i ever wondered whether i would survive, but until then–

i just want today to be over.


sitting in anastasia’s before i got ashed, i realized that it had been too long. too long since i’d sat there, within the sponge painted walls. too long since i’d written furiously in my journal, oblivious to my surroundings. too long since i’d taken a moment to stop talking and just listen.

tonight, i am enjoying the silence. tonight, i feel peace.


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