what if all this time i’ve had it all wrong? i’ve been trying to hold on to so much and maybe i should just let go. let go of the the things i think i need, let go of the feelings i don’t want to forget, let go of the memories i am afraid will disappear from my mind. let go, and make room for more.
i remember, a few years back, when i lost nearly a hundred pages of double-spaced, type-written, pre-web journal entries, and i felt like a part of myself had died. i wrote my friend rusty, mourning my loss. i wanted to cry. he wrote back with words of empathy and hope, acknowledging the tragedy but embracing the possibility. what was experienced was learned, and what was learned would not be forgotten. i lived. that was enough.
i am still so young, and there is so much more to get/feel/learn/live. it’s nice just to swim in the moment, sometimes, without worrying about what others think, without trying to record every detail, without planning the way it ends. i am going to try to do more of that. i just don’t want to waste anymore time.