sometimes it’s a battle just to hold everything together. i know that from the outside looking in it might seem like i have it all under control. i plan it that way. but inside, i am unraveling, and i think all the rope, glue and scotch tape in the world couldn’t keep me from falling apart.
it is so easy to give up. today i wanted to throw my hands in the air, scream at the top of my lungs, and let everything go. someone else can clean up the mess i’ve left, i thought. what do i care? i’ll be long gone.
i can pretend it doesn’t matter, but before too long i remember that it does. i do. it’s silly, and i think selfish, to think otherwise.
luckily, i was reminded how good it feels to do something for someone else. as a young girl, i’d give my mom cards i’d made — bond paper stolen from dad’s desk drawer folded in fourths, marked up with crayolas. the occasion? hello. i love you. you’re pretty. you’re nice. i remember her face would light up and she’d slip it somewhere safe, and i knew, i knew it was time spent well. i knew it was worth it.
we don’t think it touches someone, but it does. we worry it’s not good enough, but it is. don’t underestimate the thought and effort; it’s precious.
so, tonight i decided to make something for somebody. the occasion? hello. i like you. you’re funny. you’re nice. the moment i scattered my supplies on the steel blue carpet, i began to feel better. my head wasn’t filled with my worries or troubles or woes. it made way for ideas and sketches and plans.
and i made something. it’s nothing big, really, just a token. (it’s smaller than a pony, but just as fun). but it will hopefully bring a smile to someone’s face. it already has mine.