October 16, 2002

my car broke down last night, and so did i.

i was laughing with diana one minute and i was resting my head against the steering wheel the next. my car wouldn’t start, so she gave me a ride to claudia’s house and miha drove me home and helen took me to work this morning. the knots in the pit of my stomach kept me up most of the night, waking me up from several dreams that weren’t even really dreams– they were just drawn-out thoughts and anxieties. i pleaded to God and karma and luck and whomever else might be able to help me that my car would magically start in the morning– or that the problem would at least cost less than a hundred bucks.

so, this morning, the AAA guy came wearing dirty jeans and the whitest-teeth smile. he told me my battery had died. that’s it. nothing else. so, he jump-started it, taking all of five minutes. we left the car running in the parking lot for a while before turning it off. i bought a new battery at lunch. my sad little car is not so sad anymore, although i think it’s still sore with me for letting it get to this point.

i shouldn’t be this lucky. that’s all i keep thinking today, as i turn the key, rev the engine, blast the stereo and cruise down the street. i’m like a cartoon running away from disaster and barely missing tragedy. the anvil comes crashing down to the pavement a second after i pass that spot. what did i do in another life to deserve all this fortune? what did i do in this life?


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