the urge to write

When Rama told me last week that he missed my writing, I told him to go cry in a river.

I’ve been doing this online journal thing for a long time now, and I have entertained the idea of quitting several times along the way. I sometimes felt so much pressure to write and entertain and inform and inspire—it was exhausting. But then a friend reminded me that I didn’t have to do this. Yes, it was a beautiful thing that I was doing, but I didn’t owe it to anyone. When I heard these words, I felt so relieved. Taking that pressure off myself made it fun, again. I could speak up when I felt the urge but stay quiet when I felt the need.

Some people might say that I’ve gone too far the other way and kept my mouth too tightly shut the past year. Maybe so. I’ve been a busy girl.

Now that the site has been moved over to WordPress, it feels new again. I am poring through words I wrote two, three, four, even five years ago. Some make me wince with embarrassment, others make me smile with pride. Regardless, I recognize the value and beauty in these words. And it makes me want to find a balance between living the story and writing it.

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