Finally

December 18, 2002

it was the first night i couldn’t sleep because of the cold. i kept tossing & turning & sliding further down my bed to find some warmth. when i mustered up enough energy to get out of bed and turn on my heater, i saw that it was 54 degrees.

of course, now it’s blue skies and sunshine all over again. in los angeles, storm watch lasts longer than the actual storm.

so, i’m picking up kate from the airport in an hour. i can’t believe that it has been a year since her last visit. just now, i was looking around my apartment, wondering what is different since then. what have i accumulated this year? what have i swept away?

i feel a lot stronger and smarter. if i were here last year i would be crumbling. but i’m not. i am taking care of myself, finally listening to what i really want to do and then doing it, without worrying about anything else.

no fear, lisaann says. it sounds so big and ridiculous and impossible. but they are good words to heed. if i could just stop listening to the doubt and insecurity and wonder in my head, i think i could make so much happen.

 


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