Walking contradiction
July 31, 2001a matter of life or death: it’s hours before Rock N’ Roll monday, and i can’t decide what to wear. i am staring hard at my reflection in the mirror; i’m polling every boy i can find online to see what they think; i’m calculating the infinite possibilities of how wearing a skirt or jeans could change my life.
i decide to wear a skirt. i wore jeans last time. i sit here, painting my nails with glitter and rubbing lotion into my elbows.
then i tell him: i just don’t want to be the girl who tries too hard.
and he laughs at me. with good reason, of course.