Secret passageways

April 20, 2004

If I could, I’d take you each by hand and lead you into a quiet clearing under a ceiling of tree branches so we could talk. There are a lot of things I want to say, but I find it hard to say them lately. I feel secretive and silent and a little bit scared.

I tell myself that it’s okay, that I don’t owe you anything, that I am allowed to keep as much as I want to myself. But the truth is I want to be loud and brave as I’ve been in the past. Some days, I’m bursting to tell you stories about my adventures and relationships and plans. I just don’t know where to begin, so I never do. Soon, too much time has passed, and it’s a closed chapter in a book.

The real stories, I know, are those filled with ache and beauty and truth. Those are the ones I like to hear. Those are the ones I want to tell. I just need the courage to tell them.

I am trying to find my voice again. I suspect that wherever it is, I’ll find my hope and faith there, too.


  1. penelope says:

    You are so beautiful. And if I may say so, I think you are doing the right thing. But it’s hard. Be brave. I’ll talk whenever you need me.

  2. kitten says:

    The fact that you’re keeping on trying is the important thing! Everything good that happens is because people don’t give up. Maybe you just need a little halo halo to help you along…;)

  3. inna says:

    i always visit and quietly enjoy all your inspiring, simple, happy thoughts. today’s post lured me to leave a note.

    there’s beauty in every truth- happy or sad, good or bad. there’s always a story to tell and something to keep just for yourself…

  4. sabrina harrison says:

    This is why I love you christine..thank you for touching all of us with being just as you the graceful and unmade parts of figuring out how to live.

  5. crissy says:

    {sigh} i sympathize, and feel like i am in a similar spot.

  6. rachael says:

    Your honesty and sincerity are beautiful and inspire many people. I’m another quiet visitor, who rarely comments, but is always amazed by the truths and delicate moments you share. Thank you for being so true. :)

  7. JC says:

    The space between who we want to be and who we are seems to shrink and expand depending on where we are in our lives. I think we just have to be patient through all of the journey

  8. pt*:) says:

    It’s the truth of these posts that I identify with most. It’s the very thing I struggle with most.
    I would love to say I don’t understand, and yet, I quietly tell you that I do. I do.
    Take care of you.

  9. lisa says:

    can it be that we all crave this invitation to be tenderly, utterly accepted? the soft light of a friendship, in which we feel safe to ache, to love, to bloom. when we admit this; sweet brave souls shyly raise thier hands in agreement. i volunteer to pour the tea into acorn cups.

  10. andrea says:

    Oh christine! I have been going through a similar phase myself… it’s okay to have the quiet times.

    I have a feeling something is abrew for you (often change and new adventures are on the heels of these phases), and we will be so delighted to hear your stories on the other side of the quiet.

  11. ani says:

    I know how you feel. Sometimes for whatever reason we cannot bring ourselves to share everything and that is ok.

  12. ros says:

    i lurk here. : )

    i & we understand where you are coming from. hope you and the rest of us find the courage we are looking for. : )

  13. Christine D. Castro says:

    i know from my own experience lately and i mean recent. you have control over you and only you. take it.

  14. Jessa says:

    You can turn anything into a piece of beauty. You amaze me. I wish I could tell you the secret, but I do not hold it. But I can tell you that I often feel the same way, bursting with a story to tell, but missing the opportunity.

  15. Tonia says:

    My dear friend you have always been an inspiration to me and there is such deep deep beauty in the words you have chosen to share with the rest of us.

  16. Rubber-Sol says:

    Moments of reticence are good sometimes. Be unto yourself. You’ll find your voice again soon. And we’ll be waiting to hear what you have to say with eager ears. In the meantime, rest and enjoy the silence.

  17. Katie says:

    Everything you say has interested me. Yet I understand the tension of sharing different things.

    I am struggling now with finding something to say and a vehicle with which to say it. If you have something to say, I hope that you will find the way to say it out. A fresh voice is so important.

    But even if you don’t, everything you’ve said has been so valuable so far.

  18. arvin says:

    i guess we all wanting to be brave. it’s just that brave doesnt come in 1 colour.

  19. christine says:

    Thank you to everyone who spilled a little from their own hearts. I am touched by your openness. xo.

  • I'm Christine, and this is a slice of my life—a sweet, rich, wildly indulgent slice that would taste really good with a scoop of Breyers vanilla bean ice cream. Read more >>

  • I run a darling, friendly, little graphic design studio.
    I look on the bright side.
    I take photos. Lots of photos.
    I wish on stars and on websites.

  • I built my first web site 7 years ago and got 15 seconds of fame. (It changed my life.)
    I launched, then relaunched, an online magazine.
    I admitted to several embarrassing crushes.
    I consumed more bacon than any human should and lived to tell the tales.

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