29 september 1999 | back | archive | forward

i keep wondering how i ended up here. in L.A.

the land of towering palm trees and shiny convertibles, movie stars and hipsters, traffic and parking hell. where everything is huge and wide and shiny and new, and everywhere is at least 30 minutes away, even if it's right up the street. and the people, oh, they smile at you with flashy white teeth and big bouncy breasts, and they have your people call their people, and please, please do this for me me me now now now, until they realize you're nobody famous, at which point they look right past you, like you're nobody at all.

never in my life did i have aspirations of moving to Los Angeles, except for those days that i just thought i had to get out of orange county as quickly as possible and into the nearest big city that had some semblance of diversity and culture. in fact, right before i got this job, i was resigned to stay in my pleasant suburb and simple job, at least until the right thing came along, at least until i could save up enough money to pack up and move somewhere far, far away. like new york. or san francisco. or paris (god, i love paris).

and then i got this job (something i'd applied to on a whim), and boom boom boom, within three weeks, i was packing up my desk and bedroom, writing a check with more numbers than i realized i had in my bank account and slipping the shiny, silver key into the door to my new apartment. my new apartment. in L.A.

and this question mark that keeps floating through my mind asking where i want to live next and where i want to end up, it's just funny to me when i think about it, because, any city sounds fascinating to me. every city seems glamorous, because it's bigger and newer and, well, because it's not here. i've always had an itchin' to go places, and i'm glad i have, because already i've seen so much and there's so much more i want and need to see.

but for at least the next year, this is my home. and, actually, i like it here.

i like that when i'm 60 i'll be able to tell my grandchildren that i lived in this fabulous apartment ten blocks from the beach with buckets of light flooding in and a balcony that could house my whole bedroom. or that, once, when i was walking down the promenade, i saw the actress from my favorite TV show, just walking down the same street as i.

i don't mind that everyday of my life i encounter people who think they will someday rule the world just because they wore the right clothes and slept with so-and-so, because i measure my successes by the things i've learned and the friends i've made.

and i love that i'm spending my youth experiencing something so real and so foreign and even a bit frightening, because at least i am spending my youth experiencing. i really am still so young, and, truly, this is quite an experience.

this owning-your-own-domain business really makes thing so much more efficient. yippee.

damn santa ana winds. every ounce of my being is dry. blech.

i've always loved photobooths, and stefan showcases them well. he's a good writer, too.

"you're lucky to even know me. you're lucky to be alive. you're lucky to be drinking here for free, 'cause i'm a sucker for your lucky pretty eyes."
--liz phair, polyester bride.

a friend from a very long time ago found my website and signed the guestbook. this could get interesting.